| Prothinspo has the largest selection of diet, exercise and celebrity weight loss in the world. With a thinspiration gallery to keep you motivated visually with Celebrity and Supermodel Tips and Tricks to weight loss from Jodee the Queen of this scene... WWW.PRO-THINSPO.COM |
 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
CHANGE YOUR DIET AND EXERCISE REGIME AND STAY SUPER SKINNY FOREVER!
CLICK HERE TO SEE BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTOS OF WEIGHT LOSS. SO
THINSPIRING....
But before indulging she stops and asks herself, "What am I feeling?" Even if
she tosses back a Hydrox or two, she can now distinguish between eating to fill
her stomach and eating to appease her heart. Learning the difference helped
her lose -- and keep off -- 30 pounds she'd dragged around for years. "I live the
Solution every day,"
Whether you're looking to lose a little unwanted weight or a lot, there's always
room for some extra assistance in your diet and workout plan. That's why people
coast to coast will be able to turn to Hydroxycut to support their weight-loss
goals. Add Prothinspo Hydrox to your diet and workout plan to get the fat-loss
results you deserve. Real Science, Real Results! It doesn't matter what your
goals are...
This product is designed to help you get fat-loss results when combined with
diet and exercise. Studies show that this product is the most effective weight
loss product on the market.
Prothinspo has always maintained the lowest price available for this product on
the market today!!
click here to read the studies on this product...
questions?.......Contact me and I will write you back.
CLICK HERE TO SEE BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTOS OF WEIGHT LOSS. SO
THINSPIRING....
But before indulging she stops and asks herself, "What am I feeling?" Even if
she tosses back a Hydrox or two, she can now distinguish between eating to fill
her stomach and eating to appease her heart. Learning the difference helped
her lose -- and keep off -- 30 pounds she'd dragged around for years. "I live the
Solution every day,"
Whether you're looking to lose a little unwanted weight or a lot, there's always
room for some extra assistance in your diet and workout plan. That's why people
coast to coast will be able to turn to Hydroxycut to support their weight-loss
goals. Add Prothinspo Hydrox to your diet and workout plan to get the fat-loss
results you deserve. Real Science, Real Results! It doesn't matter what your
goals are...
This product is designed to help you get fat-loss results when combined with
diet and exercise. Studies show that this product is the most effective weight
loss product on the market.
Prothinspo has always maintained the lowest price available for this product on
the market today!!
click here to read the studies on this product...
questions?.......Contact me and I will write you back.
| | | | | | | | | | | | | |
Prothinspo has served millions we
are the McDonalds of
Thinspiration.. last checked hit
counter
are the McDonalds of
Thinspiration.. last checked hit
counter
was
| CLICK IMAGES BELOW TO READ MORE OR PURCHASE. |
| The tools and information on the this site are intended as an aid to weight loss and weight maintenance, and do not offer medical advice. If you suffer from, or think you may suffer from, a medical condition you should consult your doctor before starting a weight loss and/or exercise regime. If you decide to start exercising after a period of relative inactivity you should start very slowly and consult your doctor if you experience any discomfort, distress or any other symptoms. If you feel any discomfort or pain when you exercise, do not continue. The tools and information on the this site are not intended for women who are pregnant or breast-feeding, or for any person under the age of 18. © 2010 to date Prothinspo, Pro-Thinspo llc.com, Prothinspo.com and Prothinsposhop.com All rights reserved. "PROTHINSPO" is a trademark of Prothinspo Incorporated. All rights reserved. All content on this website should be considered for entertainment purposes. |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Prothinspo Hydroxy Slim.... Prothinspo Body Slim.... Prothinspo Body Slim Plus..... Prothinspo Crave Control.... Prothinspo Shot...... Prothinspo Hoodia Pops.... Prothinspo 2 week sample diet..... Prothinspo 7 day hydrox diet..... Prothinspo Detox and Cleansing..... Prothinspo Colon Cleanser... Prothinspo 24 hour diet...... Prothinspo 48 hour diet.... Prothinspo Acai berry Cleanser with Chadebugre... Straight up Prothinspo Cha De Bugre, click here. Want to try all the products??? Get a Prothinspo Sample Package!! |
Prothinspo asked a fellow weight loss guru, and author of Skinny
Chicks Don’t Eat Salads, Christine Avanti, to create a custom meal
plan for couples… Sometimes it is just fun to have a couples’
weight loss challenge so here is one for the Men and the Women
out there!!
weight-loss guidelines:
• Eat within one hour of waking up to kick start your
metabolism.
• To speed up your weight loss, eat every 4 hours and try not
to snack in-between meals. However, if you find that you are
starving between meals, narrow the meal intervals to every 3 hour.
Then, try to go back to every four hours as soon as your body
allows.
• Drink water before, during and after meals (8-10 cups). Not a
huge water drinker? Add a splash of fruit juice, a slice of fresh
citrus or fresh mint if you don’t like the taste of plain water. Water
helps flush out toxins and helps curb hunger -– so think of it as a
must.
• Reduce your caffeine intake to 2-3 cups per day if possible.
Avanti recommends switching to hot or iced green tea with lemon
and a drizzle of honey. But, if you love your coffee, try drinking it
black for best weight loss results.
• Avoid diet soda, refined processed packaged foods, artificial
sweeteners, and any food that contains ingredients you cannot
pronounce.
• It’s OK to mix up any of the meals in the plan. For example: It’
s fine to have breakfast for lunch or lunch for dinner. To keep
grocery shopping simplified (and your taste buds happy) feel free
to repeat any meal as often as you like.
To speed up this diet both of you can benefit from this click here.
Chicks Don’t Eat Salads, Christine Avanti, to create a custom meal
plan for couples… Sometimes it is just fun to have a couples’
weight loss challenge so here is one for the Men and the Women
out there!!
weight-loss guidelines:
• Eat within one hour of waking up to kick start your
metabolism.
• To speed up your weight loss, eat every 4 hours and try not
to snack in-between meals. However, if you find that you are
starving between meals, narrow the meal intervals to every 3 hour.
Then, try to go back to every four hours as soon as your body
allows.
• Drink water before, during and after meals (8-10 cups). Not a
huge water drinker? Add a splash of fruit juice, a slice of fresh
citrus or fresh mint if you don’t like the taste of plain water. Water
helps flush out toxins and helps curb hunger -– so think of it as a
must.
• Reduce your caffeine intake to 2-3 cups per day if possible.
Avanti recommends switching to hot or iced green tea with lemon
and a drizzle of honey. But, if you love your coffee, try drinking it
black for best weight loss results.
• Avoid diet soda, refined processed packaged foods, artificial
sweeteners, and any food that contains ingredients you cannot
pronounce.
• It’s OK to mix up any of the meals in the plan. For example: It’
s fine to have breakfast for lunch or lunch for dinner. To keep
grocery shopping simplified (and your taste buds happy) feel free
to repeat any meal as often as you like.
To speed up this diet both of you can benefit from this click here.
| His: 1 + 1/2 servings Hers: 1 serving Big-n-tall His: 2 servings To make this guide even easier to follow, Avanti created a key for these meals. Note that some meals have two symbols – for example, some meals can be prepared at home or enjoyed in a restaurant. 5: 5 minute meal g&g: grab and go t.o.: take out cth: cook together at home |
Breakfast options (300-400 calories)
Tip: Eat within 1 hour of waking up.
1 1/2 CUPS OF KASHI GO LEAN high protein cereal made with low fat milk
(or soy) sprinkled with almond slivers and ½ cup blueberries (5)
1 SLICE CANADIAN BACON with Jarlesburg light Swiss cheese between a
double fiber English muffin toasted in a toaster oven (g&g,5)
1 CONTAINER LOW FAT GREEK YOGURT (about 6 ounces) blended with
½ cup strawberries and ½ cup blueberries sprinkled with 2 tablespoons
sliced almonds (g&g,5)
1 CUP ICED COFFEE + 1 scoop of vanilla protein powder (such as Jay
Robb’s) + a medium banana + 1 tablespoon of almond butter mixed well
in a blender (g&g,5)
1 EGG + 2 egg whites, scrambled with onions, tomato, sprinkled with a
pinch of shredded cheese and half of a fresh cantaloupe (cth)
1 PEANUT BUTTER CLIF BUILDERS BAR + 1 cup seedless grapes (g&g)
ANTI AGING ACAI BERRY SMOOTHIE --see recipe below (cth)
Tip: Eat within 1 hour of waking up.
1 1/2 CUPS OF KASHI GO LEAN high protein cereal made with low fat milk
(or soy) sprinkled with almond slivers and ½ cup blueberries (5)
1 SLICE CANADIAN BACON with Jarlesburg light Swiss cheese between a
double fiber English muffin toasted in a toaster oven (g&g,5)
1 CONTAINER LOW FAT GREEK YOGURT (about 6 ounces) blended with
½ cup strawberries and ½ cup blueberries sprinkled with 2 tablespoons
sliced almonds (g&g,5)
1 CUP ICED COFFEE + 1 scoop of vanilla protein powder (such as Jay
Robb’s) + a medium banana + 1 tablespoon of almond butter mixed well
in a blender (g&g,5)
1 EGG + 2 egg whites, scrambled with onions, tomato, sprinkled with a
pinch of shredded cheese and half of a fresh cantaloupe (cth)
1 PEANUT BUTTER CLIF BUILDERS BAR + 1 cup seedless grapes (g&g)
ANTI AGING ACAI BERRY SMOOTHIE --see recipe below (cth)
Anti-Aging Acai Berry Smoothie Recipe
Ingredients
1 cup blueberries, frozen
1 scoop of protein powder, Jay Robb’s egg white
1 1/4 cup almond milk (or soy if you prefer)
1/4 cup acai berry juice
1 tbsp. almond butter
10 ice cubes
Preparation
Place all ingredients in a electric mixer and blend until
you reach desired thickness.
Nutriton facts: 398 calories, 28 gm protein, 45 gm
carbs, 12 gm fat
Ingredients
1 cup blueberries, frozen
1 scoop of protein powder, Jay Robb’s egg white
1 1/4 cup almond milk (or soy if you prefer)
1/4 cup acai berry juice
1 tbsp. almond butter
10 ice cubes
Preparation
Place all ingredients in a electric mixer and blend until
you reach desired thickness.
Nutriton facts: 398 calories, 28 gm protein, 45 gm
carbs, 12 gm fat
++You can always substitute a cheese product or a meat product or
anything in the meal plan that doesn’t work with your diet needs as long as
it is within the same guidelines of grams of fat and proteins etc.
Remember that you should determine your calorie intake for any diet…
use this formula.
Harris Benedict Formula
To determine your total daily calorie needs, multiply your BMR by the
appropriate activity factor, as follows:
• If you are sedentary (little or no exercise) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR
x 1.2
• If you are lightly active (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/week) : Calorie-
Calculation = BMR x 1.375
• If you are moderatetely active (moderate exercise/sports 3-5
days/week) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR x 1.55
• If you are very active (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days a week) : Calorie-
Calculation = BMR x 1.725
• If you are extra active (very hard exercise/sports & physical job or 2x
training) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR x 1.9
Total Calorie Needs Example
If you are sedentary, multiply your BMR (1745) by 1.2 = 2094. This is the
total number of calories you need in order to maintain your current weight.
Once you know the number of calories needed to maintain your weight,
you can easily calculate the number of calories you need to eat in order to
gain or lose weight:
anything in the meal plan that doesn’t work with your diet needs as long as
it is within the same guidelines of grams of fat and proteins etc.
Remember that you should determine your calorie intake for any diet…
use this formula.
Harris Benedict Formula
To determine your total daily calorie needs, multiply your BMR by the
appropriate activity factor, as follows:
• If you are sedentary (little or no exercise) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR
x 1.2
• If you are lightly active (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/week) : Calorie-
Calculation = BMR x 1.375
• If you are moderatetely active (moderate exercise/sports 3-5
days/week) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR x 1.55
• If you are very active (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days a week) : Calorie-
Calculation = BMR x 1.725
• If you are extra active (very hard exercise/sports & physical job or 2x
training) : Calorie-Calculation = BMR x 1.9
Total Calorie Needs Example
If you are sedentary, multiply your BMR (1745) by 1.2 = 2094. This is the
total number of calories you need in order to maintain your current weight.
Once you know the number of calories needed to maintain your weight,
you can easily calculate the number of calories you need to eat in order to
gain or lose weight:
calories Burned During Sex
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Act of Insertion
If the man is ready (same vice-versa) 1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa) 274 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and
the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare
instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to
compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss.
A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard
once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to
let him put it inside.
Normal size 22 calories
Oversize 15 calories
Tremendous 8 calories
Teensy-weensy 163 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other) 20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this
position affords a better view of the clock.) 25 calories
From the rear (Mysterious variation) 40 1/2 calories
Standing: Both partners of equal height 18 calories
Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man 90 calories
While in traction
(very useful during ski season) 124 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Locations
On a bar stool 20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic 38 calories
In a phone booth, standing 14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down 274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat 24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat 42 calories
On an airliner, window seat 30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory 100 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
Bouncing 7 calories
Sliding around 9 calories
Serious Skidding 12 calories
Full cartwheel 20 calories
Whiplash 27 calories
Knee burn 6 calories
Chafed elbows 5 calories
Chafed nose 11 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp) 3 calories
Wheezing 5 calories
Squeals 4 calories
Ecstatic moaning 11 calories
Low growling 8 calories
Squishing 10 calories
Shouting 16 calories
Screaming 18 calories
Urgent begging 22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions
("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common
examples.) 25 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Approaching Orgasm
Letting go 5.5 calories
Controlling yourself 79 calories
Digging nails into your partner's back 11 calories
Trembling 15 calories
Shaking 20 calories
Shuddering 25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open 33 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Orgasm
Real 27 calories
Faked 160 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didn't change 1/2 calorie
Face turned purple 15 calories
Orchestra swelled 6 calories
Magical explosions 10 calories
Blazing Sheets 25 calories
Earth moved 30 calories
Vesuvius erupted 47 calories
You began moaning in Latin 60 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pulling Out
After orgasm 1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm 500 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Multiple Orgasms
For women:
2 14 calories
5 30 calories
8 47 calories
(Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8
orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or
disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin
to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere
with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.)
For Men:
2 21 calories
3 39 calories
4 57 calories
(For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and
biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with
little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few
exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms
within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special Orgasms
Clitoral. 15 calories
Vaginal 21 calories
Penile 21 calories
Scrotile 15 calories
Rectal 25 calories
Oral
(can also occur during an especially good meal) 30 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Premature Ejaculation*
During insertion 2 calories
During intercourse
(Approximately. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion, whichever comes
first.) 5 calories
During foreplay 3 calories
Immature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a
tantrum.) 4 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel
like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex,
especially if he immediately sits up to watch the football on tv.
For Women
Frustration 8 calories
Anger 15 calories
Violent mood swing 20 calories
Surpressing rage 25 calories
Not surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently
massaging partner's head with a tire iron.) 65 calories
For Men:
Cursing 10 calories
Apologising 3 calories
Snivelling 5 calories
Pleading for mercy 8 calories
Begging for another chance
(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm
after 3 seconds of sex.) 15 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing
in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly
light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was
really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had
been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional
reactions include:
Swooning 6 calories
Palpitations 10 calories
Shortness of breath 5 calories
Perspiring 8 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex
A less-than-sunny desposition 1 calorie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Recovering
Un-entwining 3 calories
Regaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to
the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in
front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to
the bathroom or getting some juice.) 7 calories
Standing up 9 calories
Getting some juice 11 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they've done their job
and are now entilted to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring.) 18
calories
During intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting
dissatisfaction.) 32 calories
During foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of
interest.) 12 calories
Avoiding the wet spot 80 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trying Again
If the woman is ready 5 calories
If the man is not 156 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dreaming
Regular dream 2 calories
Wet Dream
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices 16 calories
Wet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.) 20 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Group Sex
Introducing yourself 3 calories
Overcoming shyness 8 calories
Swapping partners, willingly 4 calories
Swapping partners, unwillingly 62 calories
Jealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are) 16 calories
Mixed doubles 26 calories
Being nice to everyone 100 calories
Anger
(You suddenly realize that you're wanted for you body and not your mind.
Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.) 10 calories
Finding your clothes 5 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Masturbation
For pleasure only 6 calories
For exercise, too 10 calories
For relief from tension 12 calories
To pass the time 7 calories
To avoid overeating 16 calories
To get in touch with inner self 10 calories
To get in touch with outter self 10.5 calories
To avoid insanity 24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, and
binges, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.) 9
calories
Using your hand(s) 11 calories
Using your finger(s) 9 calories
Using tweezers 2 calories
Using an inflatable doll 24 calories
Using Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley) 19 calories
Using a vibrator, hand-operated 12 calories
Using a vibrator, windup 9 calories
Using a vibrator, electric 5 calories
Using anything not mentioned here 50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - purchasing the ticket 2.5 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - finding isolated seat 78 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - adjusting raincoat 3 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Typical Sex-Related Fears
Partner hates me for what I did 4 calories
Partner hates me for what I didn't do 8 calories
Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual 10 calories
Climaxing too soon 5 calories
Climaxing too late 6 calories
Not climaxing 20 calories
Partner thinks of me as a sex object 9 calories
Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object 47 calories
Partner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from
orgasm 88 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Personal Fears
Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm 6 calories
Stretch marks that look like a plowed field 8 calories
Penis envy 72 calories
Body odor of a disgruntled yak 25 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Getting Caught
By partner's spouse 60 calories
By your spouse 60.5 calories
Trying to explain 165 calories
Stuttering 28 calories
Throwing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether
understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed) 40
calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Almost Getting Caught
Trying to remain calm 100 calories
Fright (includes trembling) 66 calories
Leaping out of bed 25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion 300 calories
Thanking partner quickly 2 calories
Jumping out of window
add 5 calories if window wasn't open 15 calories
Landing 1 calorie
Running very fast 50 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Act of Insertion
If the man is ready (same vice-versa) 1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa) 274 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and
the man with a shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare
instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to
compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss.
A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard
once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to
let him put it inside.
Normal size 22 calories
Oversize 15 calories
Tremendous 8 calories
Teensy-weensy 163 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other) 20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this
position affords a better view of the clock.) 25 calories
From the rear (Mysterious variation) 40 1/2 calories
Standing: Both partners of equal height 18 calories
Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man 90 calories
While in traction
(very useful during ski season) 124 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Locations
On a bar stool 20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic 38 calories
In a phone booth, standing 14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down 274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat 24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat 42 calories
On an airliner, window seat 30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory 100 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
Bouncing 7 calories
Sliding around 9 calories
Serious Skidding 12 calories
Full cartwheel 20 calories
Whiplash 27 calories
Knee burn 6 calories
Chafed elbows 5 calories
Chafed nose 11 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp) 3 calories
Wheezing 5 calories
Squeals 4 calories
Ecstatic moaning 11 calories
Low growling 8 calories
Squishing 10 calories
Shouting 16 calories
Screaming 18 calories
Urgent begging 22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions
("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common
examples.) 25 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Approaching Orgasm
Letting go 5.5 calories
Controlling yourself 79 calories
Digging nails into your partner's back 11 calories
Trembling 15 calories
Shaking 20 calories
Shuddering 25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open 33 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Orgasm
Real 27 calories
Faked 160 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didn't change 1/2 calorie
Face turned purple 15 calories
Orchestra swelled 6 calories
Magical explosions 10 calories
Blazing Sheets 25 calories
Earth moved 30 calories
Vesuvius erupted 47 calories
You began moaning in Latin 60 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pulling Out
After orgasm 1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm 500 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Multiple Orgasms
For women:
2 14 calories
5 30 calories
8 47 calories
(Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8
orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or
disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin
to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere
with her ability to cook, worship ,and ride a Moped.)
For Men:
2 21 calories
3 39 calories
4 57 calories
(For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and
biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with
little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few
exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms
within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special Orgasms
Clitoral. 15 calories
Vaginal 21 calories
Penile 21 calories
Scrotile 15 calories
Rectal 25 calories
Oral
(can also occur during an especially good meal) 30 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Premature Ejaculation*
During insertion 2 calories
During intercourse
(Approximately. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion, whichever comes
first.) 5 calories
During foreplay 3 calories
Immature ejaculation
(Similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a
tantrum.) 4 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel
like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex,
especially if he immediately sits up to watch the football on tv.
For Women
Frustration 8 calories
Anger 15 calories
Violent mood swing 20 calories
Surpressing rage 25 calories
Not surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently
massaging partner's head with a tire iron.) 65 calories
For Men:
Cursing 10 calories
Apologising 3 calories
Snivelling 5 calories
Pleading for mercy 8 calories
Begging for another chance
(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm
after 3 seconds of sex.) 15 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing
in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly
light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was
really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had
been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional
reactions include:
Swooning 6 calories
Palpitations 10 calories
Shortness of breath 5 calories
Perspiring 8 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex
A less-than-sunny desposition 1 calorie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Recovering
Un-entwining 3 calories
Regaining motor control of pevis
(After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to
the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk [put one foot in
front of the other], which will seriously impair your chances of going to
the bathroom or getting some juice.) 7 calories
Standing up 9 calories
Getting some juice 11 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
After intercourse
(Classic behavior for shiftiness men who believe they've done their job
and are now entilted to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring.) 18
calories
During intercourse
(Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting
dissatisfaction.) 32 calories
During foreplay
(Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of
interest.) 12 calories
Avoiding the wet spot 80 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trying Again
If the woman is ready 5 calories
If the man is not 156 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dreaming
Regular dream 2 calories
Wet Dream
Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
Add 20 calories if your partner notices 16 calories
Wet Trance
(Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.) 20 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Group Sex
Introducing yourself 3 calories
Overcoming shyness 8 calories
Swapping partners, willingly 4 calories
Swapping partners, unwillingly 62 calories
Jealousy
(Partner having more fun than you are) 16 calories
Mixed doubles 26 calories
Being nice to everyone 100 calories
Anger
(You suddenly realize that you're wanted for you body and not your mind.
Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.) 10 calories
Finding your clothes 5 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Masturbation
For pleasure only 6 calories
For exercise, too 10 calories
For relief from tension 12 calories
To pass the time 7 calories
To avoid overeating 16 calories
To get in touch with inner self 10 calories
To get in touch with outter self 10.5 calories
To avoid insanity 24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date
(In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping, and
binges, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.) 9
calories
Using your hand(s) 11 calories
Using your finger(s) 9 calories
Using tweezers 2 calories
Using an inflatable doll 24 calories
Using Any fruit or vegetable
(Except watermelon or a sprig of parsley) 19 calories
Using a vibrator, hand-operated 12 calories
Using a vibrator, windup 9 calories
Using a vibrator, electric 5 calories
Using anything not mentioned here 50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - purchasing the ticket 2.5 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - finding isolated seat 78 calories
In a pornographic movie theater - adjusting raincoat 3 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Typical Sex-Related Fears
Partner hates me for what I did 4 calories
Partner hates me for what I didn't do 8 calories
Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual 10 calories
Climaxing too soon 5 calories
Climaxing too late 6 calories
Not climaxing 20 calories
Partner thinks of me as a sex object 9 calories
Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object 47 calories
Partner will neglect to adminster last rites should I not recover from
orgasm 88 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Personal Fears
Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm 6 calories
Stretch marks that look like a plowed field 8 calories
Penis envy 72 calories
Body odor of a disgruntled yak 25 calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Getting Caught
By partner's spouse 60 calories
By your spouse 60.5 calories
Trying to explain 165 calories
Stuttering 28 calories
Throwing up
(Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether
understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed) 40
calories
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Almost Getting Caught
Trying to remain calm 100 calories
Fright (includes trembling) 66 calories
Leaping out of bed 25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion 300 calories
Thanking partner quickly 2 calories
Jumping out of window
add 5 calories if window wasn't open 15 calories
Landing 1 calorie
Running very fast 50 calories
| PLEASE PASS THIS ON!! |
